Spam Filter Fails to Prevent My Discovery of Binocktails

The spam filter on my e-mail has blocked some powerfully suggestive and oddly spelled products from making an appearance in my inbox, but I don’t think anything could have stopped the ferocious drunken stagger of binocktails from pushing past my spam filter bouncer and entering the club that is my e-mail inbox.

Here is an example of a product that is all brilliant epiphany without any of the actual follow through thought process. Imagine if you will, a late night infomercial with a desperate stadium attendee. It is just so difficult for them to sneak alcohol into an area where alcohol is not allowed from the outside! There has to be a better way!

Enter binocktails.

Drop the liquor into your binoculars, and pass the ticket tearing sentinel without them being any the wiser. It’s brilliant, and you’re already too drunk to realize that binocktails are stupid.

Yeah, they will get you past the door, but you don’t think a single flag will be raised from a dude awkwardly sucking on the scope of his binoculars? I haven’t used binoculars in many years, but last I checked, the appropriate way to use them was to hold them up to your eyes, not your mouth.

They are on to something here, though. Maybe there is some other product, something that would look slightly more normal to place against your mouth. Let’s see what the binocktail folks came up with.

Yes, that’s right. A camera. A product that is used almost exactly the same as binoculars. No one will notice someone stumbling around taking pictures with their mouth. If anyone asks, just tell them your replacing the batteries with your teeth, because you don’t want to get battery acid on your fingers. At least then they will disregard you as insane, as opposed to being drunk in public. Mission accomplished?

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