A List of Facts about Pixar and Toy Story 3

An unrelated picture of Steve Jobs as Woody defending the iPhone 4, much Like Woody defends his plan in Toy Story 3. The moral of the story is that in the end, Woody was right.

– In the future when robots have taken over humanity and there is a small group of humans fighting the oppressive force, Toy Story 3 will be used as a test of human emotion. If someone can watch Toy Story 3 without crying, or at least showing some semblance of emotion, then they can be destroyed, as it is obvious this person is a robot trying to infiltrate the resistance. If time is short, the prologue of Up will be an acceptable alternative.

– If Ira Glass ever teams up with Pixar to make a film, no films will need to be released afterward as they will have undoubtedly crafted the perfect story. There are teams of agents throughout Hollywood holding daily meetings to make sure that this partnership is prevented.

– Toy Story 3 is the kind of movie that makes terrible movies look like crimes against humanity. It is also the kind of movie that makes good movies look like terrible movies.

– Pixar has always shown an ability to predict the course of human emotion and affect the audience in unexpected ways. Basically, they know what they’re doing. They did not for some reason though, have the foresight to realize that it is very difficult to wipe tears form your eyes while wearing 3D glasses.

John Ratzenberger and his mustache.

– The simple act of watching Woody run from one place to another as his arms and legs flail about maniacally, is hilarious. If Toy Story 3 had been a Dreamworks production, the entire film would have revolved around this action. Also, the end dance sequence shown alongside the credits would have encompassed anywhere from 55% to 70% of the film.

– Why other film companies have not adopted the practice of placing John Ratzenberger in every one of their films is beyond me. Clearly he is the secret to the success of Pixar.

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Steve Jobs is Winning the War Against Purse Mirrors

Sure, the iPhone is awesome, I use mine all the time. I ignore e-mails with it, check to see what time it is and to make sure my fingerprint smudges could still identify me to the police. It is truly something I could not live without at this point. We forget though, that it is destroying certain important elements of our economy. Whole entire sectors of industry are buckling and failing as the app store rolls over them like some kind of giant metaphor of destruction.

Tapes and CD’s? Dead.
Standalone GPS devices? Dead.
The Motorola Razr? Dead.
The need to make lightsaber sound effects with our mouths as we pantomime invisible lightsabers around? Dead.

This image was not photoshopped at all.

The iPhone 4 is no different. I can’t believe no one has already seen it. Less believable though, is the fact that no one is doing anything about it. I am talking of course, about purse mirrors.

With the advent of the forward facing camera on the iPhone 4, Apple has effectively destroyed all the purse mirror manufacturers in the world. Women will no longer need to carry a small mirror around in their purses to check the status of their makeup, and men can finally pretend to check their e-mails while fixing their hair.

I don’t claim that this has been Apple’s intent from the beginning, to destroy the purse mirror industry, but I also don’t claim that it hasn’t been. Who knows what dastardly meeting agendas filter through the internal Apple e-mail threads. The proof is out there, for those who want to connect the invisible dots and make blind unprovoked accusations. Steve Jobs hates purse mirrors.

I am predicting now that the iPhone 5, or 4G, or whatever combination of letter and number they decide to tack on to the word iPhone, will go after the hairbrush industry next. Just you wait. That thing is going to be encased in bristles.